Let me start by saying that I am not an expert on children’s psychology nor on how to parent a child that can’t seem to concentrate. What I am though, is a person who remembers what it’s like to grow up with ADHD.
In the 1990’s there was still some hesitation about making the diagnosis as well as reluctance by parents to accept it, particularly when they didn’t fully understand the condition. As a result, I never received the official diagnosis back then.
One of my first “aha moments” came when I was watching a video done by one of my 6th grade teachers. I don’t remember the point of filming a class of 35 12-year-olds that day, but I do remember noticing that I was the only kid in the room that couldn’t sit still. It was weird and embarrassing at the time, and I wondered how many of the other kids had noticed.
It stuck out for me, I suppose, because that was when the education community was starting to hear whispers of ADHD and the more that I began to hear about the symptoms the more I began to wonder if this was part of the reason that, as a child, I couldn’t force myself to concentrate.
I read a lot now on ways to help with concentration and I feel tremendous empathy for any child that can’t concentrate. There are some good theories out there on how to help your child focus. Some of them I wish my parents had tried others I am eternally grateful that they didn’t.
These are a few that I have found helpful:
Break Tasks into Manageable Pieces:
Like many people with ADHD, I have an additional symptom that is often referred to as hyperfocus. My husband and I have always called it “The Rabbit Hole”. It’s the mental place that I can be caught up in for hours when something has piqued my interest, and as a research writer, it has both hindered and helped my ability to produce.
Giving your child tools to help manage projects and limit the time for each task early in life could help save them from a lifetime of “Rabbit Holes”.
Simplify and Organize Your Child’s Life:
This is a matter of prioritization that can benefit anyone, not just a child that can’t concentrate. Help your child to discern what is critical and what can wait for a while. Kids that have ADHD or who just can’t concentrate get easily overwhelmed and the feeling is terrible for their self-esteem.
Get creative, find tools and resources and ask for help from people that you trust. Support groups both physical and online are a good way to keep you both from feeling out of control or alone.
Make sure you know the difference between discipline and punishment:
It may feel at times like your kid is deliberately making things tougher than they need to be, and who knows maybe sometimes they are! But when you’re dealing with a child that can’t concentrate understand that they are feeling the frustration too, along with all the other typical growing pains.
Lay down rules and make an effort to understand your child’s unique learning process, if you have access to a good mental health provider all the better. You may also want to enroll in therapy sessions to help the two of you better communicate. Instilling self-discipline is a gift that you can give your child but punishment for things beyond their control will almost always backfire.
Don’t believe all the “bad news” about your child:
There are as many theories out there about ADHD’s roots and treatments as there are experts in the field. This means that you have to do some of your own navigating. There can be a creative and fulfilling side to ADHD for some people with the condition, and no one wants to stifle that in their child.
Though it’s a little out dated, this is one of my favorite WSJ articles that outlines the struggle that parents face when designing a strategy for dealing with ADHD. There are thousands of kids that are helped through the use of medication for their ADHD and there are also many that go without, what matters most is knowing your child and having qualified professionals that can lay out the pros and cons in a way that makes sense to your family.
